a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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