Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
