ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
