I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize