I'm eating all of the evidence.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
