I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
