I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
