Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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