This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
All I want is dick and wine.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
