just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
If I die, sorry about rent.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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