Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
