you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
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He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
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No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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