At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I'm always down for nudity.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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