i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
