you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
