Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
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