im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
