god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
