ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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