You made me cry and you don't even care
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
