and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
