No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
