if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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