so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
