oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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