I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
