How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
operation have a gay friend backfired
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
