If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
