out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
