If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
