Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
