I must be too annoying 4 u.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize