You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
this beer tastes like vomit already
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
