Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
