Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
There are leaves in my underwear?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
