I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
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Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
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I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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