I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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