I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
