you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
So gin and wine won't be happening again
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Randomize
