Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
