haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
