So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
