hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
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oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
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Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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