True but thats because hes a fetus.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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