I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
