Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
