im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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