When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
