there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize
