Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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