you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
