He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
