Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
