apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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