fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
