I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
