I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
