I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
