I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
