Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
you will always have a special place in my vag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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