Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
