I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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