Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
nutella sex= disaster
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
