No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Randomize
